Evan time
It's 5:30 am on the first day of the year 2011. I've just fed Evan about 4.5 oz of milk and he is sleeping pretty soundly now. He last ate at 12 am but woke up around 3 am apparently unhappy to be on his back. I tried holding him against my chest to comfort him. Although he quieted down and appeared to drift to sleep while in my arms, when I put him down into the crib, he would at first be ok (tries hard to suck his fingers), but then about a minute later start to show and verbalize signs of frustration. I put him next to mommy but again, after a minute, he would throw up his arms and arch his back upwards in apparent discontent on being flat on his back. We couldn't figure out why. I put him in the swing and that put him more at ease. Although his eyes didn't close, he was quiet and focused on sucking his fingers.
Then the swing stopped, apparently out of battery. We didn't have extra ones so I let the swing stay still, hoping he might fall asleep anyhow. He fussed a little, but not enough for me to take him out. A few minutes later, I heard prolonged sounds of his poo-pooing. He's been having mostly wet poos lately, not the golden mustard texture, so when he goes, the sound is like farting but lower tone. So - this is why he was fussy, he had to relieve himself! I took him to the other room to change his diaper as the smell was quite strong right after he relieved himself. As I unbuttoned his outfit, I realized a bit of the boo had overflowed out of the diaper and onto his back and of course his outfit. He had done this a few times before when the poo was especially runny (liquidity) or he had a lot of it. Today, it was the latter. I cleaned him up and put him into his Christmas (green) outfit - the best fitting article for him these past two weeks. After changing his outfit, he was clearly feeling much better and I put him into the crib and he drifted off to sleep almost right away. He then next woke up at 5 am and that's when I fed him again, this time very smoothly. He was asleep immediately after feeding so I put him into the crib without burping him too much. He may end up having to fart the gas out, which wasn't much this feeding.
New year and new hopes
I began this blog with the intention of writing something else - as evidenced by the title. Instead, I ended up writing about Evan, seemingly the default subject I naturally migrate to nowadays. But seriously, I have been feeling a bit (or a lot) disappointed and frustrated about my life. End-of-years tend to do that to me (or rather I do to myself). As I examine my life over the previous year (and years), I arrive at the conclusion that I haven't made very much of myself in my life. Work is 2 days away (after about a week of downtime for the holidays) and I'm dreading it immensely. What significant things happened this past year (2010)? Well, there is Evan - obviously one of the most important event in my life thus far - not of just this year. And I started taking classes in renewable energy at Santa Clara Univ. But this latter effort will not continue in the coming year - after careful consideration, it didn't feel the right program (certificate in renewable energy) for me. And the cost per class was outrageous. If I was going to pay that much, I either have loads of free resources (which I don't), or it should have a fairly significant ROI (to put it in cold economic terms). But neither was true (though one could argue that the ROI was really up to me), the classes wouldn't have led to a degree, and even if it did, what would have my new career be in? Still engineering? And that's if I could find a position given only a certificate and high-level knowledge on a lot of things, instead of detailed knowledge on a specific area. .... and so, the search continues; to find what is 'right' for me. An MBA perhaps? I'll try not to be too depressed, I have made some progress this year after all by taking class for the first time since 2004. I may not know exactly which way I want to or will go, but I've taken my first steps. Let the new year bring new hopes.
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